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Is it over?Oy vey, this might be slightly long... I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years and over those years I have gone through periods of uncertainty about the future of the relationship. Usually despite those doubts I've stuck it out and ended up fairly happy. I feel very safe and comfortable with him. I know he loves me and he's the first boy I've ever dated that I felt wanted to take care of me and create a family with me. But I'm having doubts again, mostly due to a severe drought in our sex life. We haven't had sex in 2 months (and we weren't doing it very often before) and while there's part of me that feels like I should talk to him about this (again) there is a bigger part of me that wants something else, something new and exciting. Compounding this feeling is the fact that I recently cheated on him and it was fun and exciting, and I didn't feel completely terrible about it afterwards. I'm in my mid 30's and there's a part of me that feels like I shouldn't throw aside a man that loves me and wants to create a home with me. But gosh I miss the sex... when I think about breaking up I feel sick cause I know it will break his heart. Is there any hope?
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One thing is for sure: This situation is unlikely to solve itself.
You need to have your talk with him (and maybe dump him), or dump him outright, but do one or the other soon. This is a drain on your time and emotional energy. By avoiding the confrontation, you are only prolonging your agony.
My gut feeling is that you've already checked out of this relationship. That's why you don't feel guilty fucking other guys behind his back. You should resolve this before you do more things which compromise your honesty.
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If you cheated and didn't feel crushing guilt over it, and your primary reason to stay with him really is that he takes care of you, then I regret to inform you that you personally are no longer in the relationship. The kind thing to do is let him out of it as well. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. Do not make this worse on you both by dragging it out any longer.
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If you can't get the sex right, none of the rest of it is worth doing. Your partner is the person you have sex with. All the rest of it is just what you put up with, for the sex. No one should endure a sexless relationship unless they have children or that is what makes them happy.
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When I saw the title of your question, "Is it over?" I immediately said to myself, "yes" without reading your full question. If you aren't in a place where you can ask him this question yourself, it's over. I did read the question, and my answer remains the same. You guys don't have an emotional connection. You are asking for advice from random strangers instead of talking to your partner. If you were in a new relationship I might change that answer, but you've been together 5 years. It's done, it's not gonna get better, time to ask a question about how to end a 5-year relationship without hurting him. Sorry, I know it sucks.
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Ladies (and Fellas:) unless your boyfriend is castrated, any time your guy doesn't want to have sex with you it's the sign of a catastrophic failure in him and/or the relationship. Happy guys like to fuck. That's all we really do, in the evolutionary sense. If your man has stepped off that train, he's only a few short steps away from putting a bullet in his head and/or leaving you for his Argentinian mistress.
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Yes...it's over.
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whoa hold on a second here, you don't say WHY there's a severe drought in your sex life. I think we need to know that to be able to help you...
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I don't really disagree with the idea that things seem to be over, but ISTM that there's nothing to lose in having a frank talk about the sex life. Maybe there's something they both want, but have been afraid to talk about. Maybe there's a problem they can address and fix. Worth a shot, no?
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